I have this notebook called “Just Write”. I have always loved to write. It’s always been something that is comforting to me. But for a while, I was struggling coming up with stuff to say. I really wanted to be blogging but when I opened up my blog to write a new post my mind went blank. No matter how hard I tried or how outlined, helpful, planned the post was I couldn’t get my brain to write anything. So I started this notebook. It now has almost 100 entries plus my personal journal that I now write in every day.
It took me a while to find my voice again. Something I was sure of until it started feeling forced. Then, for a while I was afraid to write – I was afraid to share me, life, who I was, where my struggles were and what I had to say. I wasn’t confident in what I had to say, I was afraid of being a fraud, not good enough. I was scared of the judgment, what people would think of me and how they would take my opinion. Afraid I wouldn’t be accepted. Guys – I’m awkward, quirky, weird, I don’t always say the right things at the right time.
I was too afraid to accept my weirdness because I thought it would be laughed at. If I didn’t put myself out there, then I couldn’t be turned down for my weirdness, I didn’t have to be vulnerable. But then I came to the realization – I love to encourage people. I love to inspire and empower. I love, love, love to make people laugh. I’m far from any comedian, but I LOVE to lighten the mood, I like being silly and goofy and just being happy. So who cares if I’m laughed out. Those who know me, know this about me and still love me – so if you don’t know me and you think I’m strange – by all means – there’s the door. But know this, I am authentic, I care, I try to be as real as possible and I LOVE Jesus.
So I’m gonna try to overthink it less and spend more time just writing. I’ll worry about cohesiveness later and just work on sharing my story and the insight I have to share.