Even if you firmly believe that 95% of the problems in your marriage are your husbands fault, are you willing to focus on the 5% that you do have control over?
If someone had said that to me 2-3 years ago I would have probably laughed in your face and said “what problems?” Until they then all hit me like a brick, someone took off my rose colored glasses. Unfortunately, at that point, I then focused myself on all of the problems that my husband caused. It was like tunnel vision. I read this book and that book, I would skip over what I needed to do for myself and go straight to what I needed to do for my marriage or how I could change my husband. I’m sure all you ladies know from experience, if you try to change your husband – it does not work!
When we fail to acknowledge the need to work on our own issues, we convince ourselves that our relational problems must be our husbands fault. We mistakenly assume that our lives would be so much better if we had a different man to love, and we don’t stop to consider that WE might play a part in our own dance of discontentment.
Ways we feel about ourselves, negative feelings, all come out in discontentment in our marriage. We look to our husbands to affirm us, to make us feel beautiful, to convince us that we are smart, desirable, the only girl in the world. NO husband can be the White Knight who rescues us from all our issues and insecurities. Don’t think the dance stops when a new partner steps in. We may be distracted by the small talk and new tendencies a new partner brings to the dance, but then we quickly realize it is the same dance. At some point, we need to put on our “big-girl panties” and go through the work of resolving our issues, remedying our own insecurities and becoming happy with ourselves before we can truly be happy in our marriage.
Until we deal with our weaknesses and character flaws, we will never be happy in any relationship, primarily because we’ll never be happy with ourselves.
Now, 6 years into my marriage, I aim to focus on that 5% (it’s actually way more) that I have control over and instead of trying to “change” my husband, I pray that God will change him – not to my favor but into the man that God wants him to be. Those “big-girl panties” have to get put on everyday and I take one day at a time. Change up those steps and turn that dance into a dance of contentment.